Bi Polar and or BPD

Yesterday, I wrote the post “All in my Head,” originally the following information was supposed to be included in that post.  However I felt that the song just belonged in place of it and decided to hold off on this mainly due to the fact that we had a busy day yesterday with family coming over for the 4th of July celebrations.

Back in 2007, it was brought to my attention that I may want consider talking with a doctor about possibly being Bi Polar.  I didn’t know much about it then.  So I googled it (like we all do) and found this general description.

Bipolar disorder is characterized by an alternating pattern of emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression). The intensity of the associated signs and symptoms varies. Bipolar disorder can range from a mild condition to a severe condition, and there may be periods of normal behavior.

Manic phase
For many people, signs and symptoms in the manic phase may include:

• Feelings of euphoria, extreme optimism and inflated self-esteem
• Rapid speech, racing thoughts, agitation and increased physical activity
• Poor judgment
• Recklessness or taking chances not normally taken
• Difficulty sleeping
• Tendency to be easily distracted
• Inability to concentrate
• Aggressive behavior

Depressive phase
In the depressive phase, signs and symptoms include:

• Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, guilt or hopelessness
• Disturbances in sleep and appetite
• Fatigue and loss of interest in daily activities
• Problems concentrating
• Irritability
• Chronic pain without a known cause
• Recurring thoughts of suicide

After reading the above, I thought to my self, this may be it.  I went to the doctor, they asked a series of questions.  And said yes, and prescribed me medication and sent me on my way.  I hate the medication they give for it, it seems most anti depressant and bipolar medication all have crazy side effects.

A couple of years later in 2009, I had I started to do some more research to find out more about myself about issues I have. I was pretty sure that there had to be some medical explanation for everything that goes through my head. A lot of them which are not associated with Bipolar. After doing some more research I found something that mentioned Borderline Personality aka BPD.

Here are the major symptoms of BPD my new Psych doctor (at the time) said you have to at least have 6 of the 9 for them to consider diagnosing you with the disorder, I have 7 of the 9.

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
• Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
• Impulsive in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
• Affect instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
• Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Today I haven’t been on medication to control my mood for about 8 years (since 2012).  My symptoms/signs of being Bi Polar in my opinion are minimal, but probably best to ask my wife that.  I can say I am no where close to what movies portray it to be like. But movies wouldn’t be movies without seriously over exaggerating everything.

I am also unsure if I have both, one or maybe something else.  I have become better over the years of controlling myself and feelings. However having an amazing understanding wife has helped more then she knows. She knew about all this and still opened her heart to me.

I am not saying I don’t slip up because I do have my moments.

I wonder if any of my friends are reading this and saying, ohh!!! so that is whats wrong with her….  Lol, but then again I only have a handful of friends that actually read this.