Five Love Languages

Hard to believe that up till a few years ago that I, the self proclaimed “Queen of the Foo” never heard of “The 5 Love Languages.” My wife mentioned it one day and it totally makes since to me on how it would work and help.

What is it?

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, is book written by Gary Chapman in 1992.  Chapman is a author, speaker, and counselor.  The five love languages provide an easy way to curate a conversation about meeting each others needs in a relationship.  Hint: People tend to give love the way they naturally prefer to receive love.

So what are the 5 Love Languages?

Words of affirmation
According to Chapman (the Author), people with this love language need to hear their partner say, “I love you.” Even better is including the reasons behind the love through leaving them a voice message or a written note or talking to them directly with sincere words of kindness and affirmation.   This can also saying things such as “Thank you” or “I appreciate you”.

Quality time
This language, says Chapman, is all about giving your partner your undivided attention. That means no TV, no chores, no cell phone — just giving each other your undivided attention. Take time every day to do this.  Spending time with your partner is about being together, paying attention to each other, sharing something meaningful together and listening and communicating.

Receiving gifts
The person who loves this language thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. In short, actions speak louder than words.  “The thing that works best is picking the right gift that shows you understand your partner and the effort you made to express love,” says Chapman. “Think about finding a gift that your partner has been asking for or would enjoy receiving and plan for a special way of giving it; make it a surprise.”

Acts of service
This language includes anything you do to ease the burden of responsibility, like vacuuming the floors, going grocery shopping or sending thank-you notes. Stumped as to what your partner needs? Chapman suggests asking your partner to give ideas for things they’d like you to do that would make their life easier and make a schedule to get them done.

Physical touch
People who speak this love language thrive on any type of physical touch: hand-holding, hugs and pats on the back. “Be intentional about finding ways to express your love using physical touch: giving hugs, touching their arm or hand during a conversation; offer to give a neck or back rub,” says Chapman.

So what is your Love Language?

I am sure that we all pretty much like all 5 languages,  but we often discover that one is way important then the others.  It’s important to find out what your love language is so you can communicate with your partner and they can do their best to apply it to you more often.   I’ve always tried to apply my love language to my partners and it doesn’t always work.  I think that is obvious since I’ve been married twice before.  Now with this marriage I just say third times a charm.   There is a fun little test you can do with your partner or by your self to find out your love language at 5lovelanguages.com.

Terry and I have two different love languages.  Terry although she loves touch, hers is “Acts of Service.”  I know this but I often tend to forget it and go back to giving it the way I like to receive which is between affirmation and touch.  However she doesn’t complain.  I am going to try and do better and work on more “acts of service.”