I wish I could remember the day but I can tell you the year, it was 1997. This is when I discovered that I liked women for more then just friends. I was married to my first husband (on my third and final marriage with my Wife Terry). I spent the entire day with a friend of ours girlfriend. We were hanging out just talking about random stuff throughout the day. Later on that day I had this weird warm feeling inside of me. This post may be a tad TMI for some, but not too detailed.
Now I am going to go back a few years earlier…
I had had an experience with my best friend back in 1992 but never thought it would go any further then that since we were both drunk out of our minds that night. It was a first for both of us. And if you wanted to know how that started I will just give you a preview. We were sitting at the dining room table drinking beers. She asked, “what would you do if I spilled this on me?” I came out of no where with, “I would lick it up.” So as you can tell, she spilled the beer on herself. Such a crazy woman lol..
Even before that night, as a child I had always thought that women were really beautiful but never thought anything about it. I had also found my self to be very over protective over my close friends, and I still am very protective. I didn’t have any gay/lesbian friends so I never put the feelings together. Actually I don’t even think I knew what being gay was while growing up.
So after the time spent with our friend, with that strange warm feeling inside of me I started thinking. Starting to put everything together, I realized that I wanted to experience it again to see if what I was feeling was correct. I had to tell John (my husband) but wasn’t sure how to tell him, It was bothering me so much. I told him I had something I wanted to tell him but wasn’t sure of how to say it to him. And for him to please not pressure me into saying what it was. He immediately asked if I had been sleeping with someone. I told him right away, “NO!!!! It’s nothing like that.” So later on we were lying in bed talking and I mentioned how nice it would be if we both had someone to massage our aching bodies. He says to me, “yea you probably want some big buff man?” I told him that isn’t necessarily true. And he looked at me, I told him about my day and my thoughts that were running through my head. He says to me, “You mean to tell me my wife is bi-sexual?” And I said to him, “Yes I believe I am.” He was so happy to hear that that he wanted me to go out and find my self a girlfriend.
So after some time I did go out and found a girlfriend. After a few weeks of being with her I wanted to try and bring her into my relationship with my husband. So we had a few nice weeks of romance between the 3 of us. But I pushed them together too much and I know now that she lied to him to persuade him to leave me. Right after that is when I made the call to my mom up in Washington and came out.
After that my break up with them, I went on to have other girlfriends some good and not so good ones. I never thought or planned on ever being with a man again. I then went through a ruff stage in my life and was at the lowest moment in my life. I then met Mohcine (my second husband) while with a friend of mine. And somehow he picked me up and put me on a pedestal, and I found my self in love with him. That marriage lasted almost 7 years. However while I was married to Mohcine it never stopped me from admiring women. I just couldn’t act on my feelings.
All of my past relationships have been a learning experience for my now wife. This wont be the only time I say this (because I say it alot) but I believe she gets the best of me. I bet they probably wonder how she puts up with me, but I don’t argue with her like I did with them. She already gives me what I wanted from them.
